Tesla

It was past midnight. The rest of the guys were asleep. I was ready to pack it in. Nothing. I stretched. Then I saw movement. Someone was sneaking into the backyard. A woman and two men. She was many pounds overweight, but moved like a deer. The two men flanked her like bodyguards. I checked the loads in my shotgun. I smiled. This was going to be fun. They shuffled by the fence out of the moonlight. With the advice of my friends, we set the trap. Four cameras, four shotguns. She bent over. She pressed the button on the spray can. I squeezed the trigger on the shotgun. It boomed through the quiet night. I could almost see the rock salt bouncing off her butt. Some pieces made it through the fabric. The spray can hit the ground. She screamed and grabbed her butt, rolling on the ground.

“You killed me. You killed me. I’m dying.” She screamed; her hands glued to her rear end. I almost lost it laughing so hard. The other two men looked around wildly. They turned to run, their comrade forgotten. Three more shotguns boomed. Shaking, they raised their hands. You could hear my friends jacking in another load. They came out of the darkness. I took the cloth provided for me and rubbed away the wet spot of paint on the side of the Tesla. The paint disappeared to leave a pristine surface. She was still screaming and rolling around on the ground. She recovered enough to glare at me. “You shot me.” She said hatefully. “My butt’s on fire.”

I smiled. “It’s rock salt. Your rear end is going to sting for a while.” We could hear sirens in the distance. “I’ll sue you.”
“Good luck with that. But think about this. I will counter sue and win.”
By this time, police cars surrounded us. We lay our shotguns on the ground. They called an ambulance and transported the woman to the ER. Where a nurse had fun flushing out the rock salt as the woman screamed and cursed. The next day, they brought her and her two associates into the courtroom. Her face turned red when the judge went over the indictment. The courtroom roared with laughter when the judge asked. “How’s your butt?”